"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws the United States of America forever.
The bombing begins in five minutes."
Posted on 02/07/2009 3:07:41 PM PST by mainestategop
Its hard to get an automobile in the soviet union. They are owned mainly by elite bureaucrats. It takes an average of 10 years to get a car. 1 out of 7 families owned automobiles. You have to go through a major process and put the money out in advance. so this man did this and the dealer said "okay in 10 years come get your car." "Morning or afternoon?" The man replied. "well what difference does it make?" Said the dealer. "The plumber is coming in the morning."
[snip]
In another car incident, Gorbachev was late from getting to the Kremlin from his house. He told the chauffer, "Look we are running late so let me drive. I insist." So He told the Chaufer to get in the back and he drove. Meanwhile the police were given strict orders to ticket anyone speeding no matter how important. So they were speeding down Moscow and two motorcycle cops pulled them over but didn't ticket him after he saw who it was. He goes back to the station and talks about it and was asked, "Why didn't you ticket him? "Too important." "Who was it?" "I didn't recognize him, but his driver was Gorbachev!"
[snip]
Castro was making a speech to a large assembly. Someone out in the crowd said, "peanuts popcorn crackerjack." This happened about 4 times. So Castro gets annoyed and says, the next man who says that gets deported to Miami. The entire crowd stands up and yells, "POPCORN! PEANUTS! CRACKERJACK!"
[snip]
The Commisar came to the collective farms to see how the harvest was doing and asked a farmer and the farmer said "Oh commrade commisar! If we took all the potatoes, they would reach the foot of God." "Comrade farmer, this is the Soviet Union. There is no God." "Thats okay, there are no potatoes."
[snip]
Two Russians were walking down the street, one asked the other, "Have we really achieved full communism?" The other said "oh no. Things are about to get worse."
Sam:About the contunuing reccesion you have blamed mistakes of the past and the congress. Does any of the blame belong to you?
Reagan: Yes because for many years I was a Democrat.
If only we had someone like Ronald again....sigh
Oh that marvelous President Reagan! Can you imagine the uproar if presidents today told great jokes like that? But as absolutely without humor BO is, he’d mess up the punch line anyway.
After one year of Barack Osama, they’ll be telling jokes about us.
Two Americans are walking down the road, one asks, “Have we really achieved CHANGE?” The other replies, “No things are still going to get a lot worse.”
That one about Gorbchev driving a car was really funny.
The MSM would laugh at BO’s joke no matter how badly he butchered them.
"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws the United States of America forever.
The bombing begins in five minutes."
“Nothing is wrong! Especially in Chernobyl!”
LOL thats a good one!
I for one welcome our ant overlords...
I loved Yakov Smirnoff’s joke about why there was no baseball in the Soviet Union. “Because no one ever gets out.” I saw him shortly thereafter and said there was anotehr reason. He asked what that was. “Because,” I told him, “no one is ever safe either.”
A Russian schoolteacher asks her class for comments about Adam and Eve.
One girl replies that they are Russian.
The teacher asks the girl why she thinks this.
The girl replies, “They have no clothes, no food, and no shelter, but they think they’re in Paradise”.
There were three dogs, an american dog, a polish dog and a russian dog. they’re having a visit to the U.S., and the american dog was telling them how you have to bark along enough and then sombody comes along and gives you some meat. the polish dog said what’s meat. the russian dog said what’s bark.
There was a funny joke about Erich Honecker in the movie “The Lives of Others”:
Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: “Good morning, dear Sun!”
The sun replies: “Good morning, dear Erich!”
Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: “Good day, dear Sun!”
The sun replies: “Good day, dear Erich!”
In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: “Good evening, dear Sun!”
The sun is silent.
Honecker says again: “Good evening, dear Sun! What’s the matter?”
The sun replies: “Kiss my arse. I’m in the West now.”
You really need to see the video of these to get the timing and how get he actaully was.... He loves to tell jokes...He just lights up when he does...
http://ronaldreaganquote.com/2012/11/full-communism/
http://ronaldreaganquote.com/2012/11/gorbachev-the-driver/
http://ronaldreaganquote.com/2012/11/ronald-reagan-peanuts-popcorn-crackerjack-and-castro/
http://ronaldreaganquote.com/2012/11/ronald-reagan-quotes-i-was-a-democrat/
not get of course but good....
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